STYLE..with a reference to Rochelle's work
In STYLE's chapters 4-6, it specifically talks about Emphasis and Coherence. On page 70, it talks about extracting and isolating sentences. It says that if a writer puts the most important information in the middle of their sentence, the sentence swallows the information up. In Rochelle's paper, all of her "important" information is always in the middle of the sentences. She even put an unecessary question in the middle. Over and over again in this book it talks about how unecessary words should be omitted. Rochelle's paper is full of words that need to be omitted.
I think that Rochelle's story is sort of all over the place. She jumps from subject to subject, and does not have a consistant flow within her essay, except the fact that the reader is aware her paper is about Cedar Point. On page 81, it talks about how a cohesive paragraph has consistent topic strings. Rochelle's paper is not cohesive at all.
On page 99 of STYLE, one of the main focuses that is brought up, is making sure that the writer states a point in their essay. It is so important to be utterly clear so the reader do not get confused or have to search for the point the writer is trying to make. The point should start within the thesis statement at the top. Rochelle's paper uses slang such as, "dog tired" and talks to the reader in a very casual way. She generalizes a lot. Generalizing makes the assumption that everyone knows what she is talking about, and everyone lives life the same way. She made a lot of points in her work to try and group every family together and act like everyone does the same things at Cedar Point. I just feel as if Rochelle's work was not done in a professional way at all.
Overall, these few chapters taught me how Rochelle's essay, along with mine can be improved. This book has good ideas and interesting points to how a well written paper should be written. Rochelle's paper, in my opinion and I know many of my classmates would agree, seems a bit amature. Perhaps she should have read this book before beginning her paper.
That's All For Now,
bLaIR
I think that Rochelle's story is sort of all over the place. She jumps from subject to subject, and does not have a consistant flow within her essay, except the fact that the reader is aware her paper is about Cedar Point. On page 81, it talks about how a cohesive paragraph has consistent topic strings. Rochelle's paper is not cohesive at all.
On page 99 of STYLE, one of the main focuses that is brought up, is making sure that the writer states a point in their essay. It is so important to be utterly clear so the reader do not get confused or have to search for the point the writer is trying to make. The point should start within the thesis statement at the top. Rochelle's paper uses slang such as, "dog tired" and talks to the reader in a very casual way. She generalizes a lot. Generalizing makes the assumption that everyone knows what she is talking about, and everyone lives life the same way. She made a lot of points in her work to try and group every family together and act like everyone does the same things at Cedar Point. I just feel as if Rochelle's work was not done in a professional way at all.
Overall, these few chapters taught me how Rochelle's essay, along with mine can be improved. This book has good ideas and interesting points to how a well written paper should be written. Rochelle's paper, in my opinion and I know many of my classmates would agree, seems a bit amature. Perhaps she should have read this book before beginning her paper.
That's All For Now,
bLaIR
posted by blair at 4:22 PM
1 Comments:
We talked about the "Dog tired" in my group on Wednesday. We discussed that she uses it without really giving anything else around it to say what it suggests. what I'm trying to get at is, if someone never knew what "dog tired" ment, they wouldn't be able to tell from reading that sentance.
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